losing his eyebrow and my fish hook

So, those of you who have children know that sleeping and night time do not always coincide.  As of late, Warrick has woken in the night completely traumatized by the very real dreams (I assume, as these are not real situations) he is having.  This particular dream is one I so so so very much wish I could actually act out for you.  But alas, you are here and I am there.

I am in the kitchen cleaning up and hear the beginnings of drama from the other end of the house.  Brett goes to rescue him and I listen from where I am.  "WHERE IS IT?"  crying.  panicking.  "WHERE IS THE OTHER ONE?"  "I CAN'T FEEL IT OVER HERE."  more crying.  more panicking.  I hear Brett's calming voice and then, "WHERE'S MY OTHER EYEBROW?"  immediately I turn off the water and put down the dishes.  I gotta hear this.  This is hilarious.  Already thankful it's dark so I can hide the fact that I'm laughing at him.  I'm so sorry . . . . but sometimes you just really cannot empathize.  I go in and kneel by my husband at the side of the bed.  Warrick is sitting on his folded knees in the dark, completely distraught and searching, feeling, pulling at his forehead in search of the eyebrow that seems to have gone away. I squint in the dark at Brett's face to see if he finds it as funny as I do.  Thankful that I am not alone, I steady my voice to help our son rediscover the eyebrow that has been there all along.  Sweet dreams Sonny. 

My second funny thing was actually a lesson to me in how much I still want to explain myself to strangers should they find my behavior abnormal.  I was in Kansas City for a funeral.  The night before, in the shower, I got my washcloth caught on my nose stud and then accidentally ripped it right out of my nose.  You are lucky, in this situation, if you are not in too much pain.  You are magical if you actually find it again.  I am not magical.

I don't have a replacement stud but really want to keep my piercing and so begin the search in my mom's bathroom for something to hold the space.  Unfortunately, she's like me - we like dangling earrings instead of tiny hoops.  My hair is drying and that's bad for curly haired girls if you haven't put any product in, so I grab a random dangly for the time being.  Black square dangly covered in rhinestones.  It's going nuts as I lotion up and get my hair tamed.  Definitely not going to be able to sleep without an injury.  Try another earring, no better luck.  Eventually dismantle the hook part from one of my less fav earrings and try that out.  The poky end comes aggressivly through my nostril and the other part sticks straight out across my cheek.  Now, I realize that little piece of your earring often goes unnoticed when it's in your ear, but sweet friends, when it's in your nose, it looks like you had a serious fishing accident.

Have to drop my dad off at work and end up meeting his pastor while he is making crosses out of wood.  Shake hands.  "this is not what I usually do, I'm going to get this taken care of next thing."  Unwanted encounter number 1. Second stop in the A.M.  Wal-mart.  Trying hard to be inconspicuous and quick.  Wait in the jewelry department for 10 minutes.  Have to alert someone at check-out in order to get assistance.  Unwanted encounter number 2.  Older woman, on being summoned disgruntledly says, "Well . . . we're right here."  I say, accidentally kind of rudely, "I asked her to.  I've been waiting for a little while here.  Do you have nose studs?"  She notices the issue.  Based on her age, no offense, I'm convinced the hole in my nose, even with a classy tiny stud, is already offensive to her.  Unwanted encounter number 3.  "Well, we have these!"  "Is that it? I'm going to a funeral and obviously do not want to be wearing this."  gesturing at the ridiculous protrusion.  I didn't add that I was not interested in the thick psychedelic ones and was going to a FUNERAL and not a BULL FIGHT.

Have to run home to my parents to pick up both children so my mom can get to an appt.  Target.  Please come through for me Target.  OH . . . the drama.  The tantalizing dollar section.  You have seduced my children again.  Revamp.  Get a cart to contain children.  Trying hard not to treat my kids any differently than normal. Trying really hard not to make eye contact with anyone and hoping to continue to hide under my hair.  We make it to the jewelry section.  A sweet young girl is doing inventory at the counter and looks up at my "Hi."  She immediately starts laughing. Unwanted encounter number 4 "I know.  That's why I'm here.  Please tell me you have nose studs."  She can't stop laughing but is able to tell me that Claire's in the mall should have them.  They open at 10.  Unfortunately 10 is 30 minutes away.  And unfortunately, I actually have some returns to make and some shopping to do. 

At the customer service desk, I place my return items on the belt.  Ooh, I'm so lucky. She doesn't look at my face yet.  She starts scanning.  Asks for me to scan my card and looks up.  and YES, she's seen the fish hook.  "I know.  It fell out in the shower last night and I don't have another one."  "No no no, girl, I know what it is.  I think it's awesome.  I used to make jewelry and I never thought of that. "of course not.  the pitch of her voice continued to get higher.  She's trying so hard to be nice. "well, I'm glad you think this is a good idea.  You are too sweet.  I think it's obnoxious and embarrassing and absolutely not appropriate for a funeral."  She was so sweet about it, also started chuckling a little.  unwanted encounter number 5.

Tried on shoes, purchased hummus and crackers, carrots, two bug catching nets, a thong (no wait, that was a different emergency trip to Target where I brought only black or patterned unders with white jeans to wear to a shower).  Make purchases and finally are closing in on the 10 o'clock mark. Put away cart and try to get my two sweet children to be discreet as they run down the main aisle with me towards Claire's, one waving a blue bug catching net and running it into people's carts and the other one, whose white hair turns heads every where I take her, is dragging and waving her green bug catching net. Unwanted encounter number 6,7,8,9, etc.

Seriously.