The hardest thing

I know this is probably consistent with parents across the board, but doggone it if if just feels like you are not making ANY progress sometimes. You teach, you discipline, you hug and read books and tell stories to illustrate the character you want to see grow in your kid. You try as many different approaches as can be tried to communicate your love and "the best way" for your child to live. (real life time - Warrick just slammed the laptop lid down on my hand. How many times have I told him that this is a TOOL and not a TOY?)

So, when it comes to discipline, I just have trouble seeing that what we are doing is actually helping. Time outs? He doesn't care really. Go to your room and play quietly? More lego time. No chocolate? That will move mountains for him but then you have to discipline him more for the tantrum he's throwing on account of his initial punishment. Go to bed all by yourself? Not sure it's worth the lack of sleep for the rest of the family. Who's getting punished? Spanking . . . that's a whole nutha can o' worms. I realize that many people don't spank their kids. I got spanked plenty. More than my sister for sure, and less than my brother for sure. Did it help?

I remember one particular time when my brother and I were wrestling in the living room, were threatened and asked to stop, but continued our match and consequently knocked over a tall lamp. I don't know if we broke it or not. What I DO remember is that my mother quickly gave me 4 spankings. I should add . . . I thought the whole thing was funny. This gets me into trouble sometimes. Seems I take some things too seriously and need to take other things MORE seriously. Anyway, I was still laughing at the whole thing after the first four spankings when she asked me, "Do you think you have learned your lesson?" I intelligently replied, between giggles, "I don't know, mom." 4 more. Really. 8 is a lot of spankings when you have a scrawny rear.

Clarification: "scrawny rear" applies solely to the time period of the above incident.

And so, after the 8 spankings, I think I was repentant. At least I knew I had committed a violation and was guilty and was not too happy about my punishment. I was done laughing. Although, when I remember it now, it's funny to me again.

So, coming back to the parenting gig . . . I have been questioning whether or not spanking our child (we have two, but I haven't yet seen fit to spank the younger) is actually effective. He certainly doesn't like it. In fact, the other day when he knew a spanking was coming, he stole a spoon out of the cooking utensils drawer, ran to our bathroom, stuck it down my tall black Keen boot which was well placed on the bathroom floor (of course), placed a large hardback book over it and then sat on it and waited. Two small errors here. 1. We have lots of other wooden spoons in the drawer and 2. He immediately told me he was hiding the spoon in the black boot when I walked in and showed me his careful hiding spot.

Prayed last night, a little more intensely than I sometimes do, for God to make it clear what Warrick needs. For wisdom, for patience, for vision. To not take offenses personally, to not get discouraged, to not be reactive, to trust God. To trust God.

This morning, I accidentally open right to this verse. "The rod of correction imparts wisdom. He who spares the rod hates his child." Wow. Now, I would like to offer that I pass no judgment on parents who choose not to spank their children, as I think the "rod of correction" can look like lots of things. But I DO believe this. Discipline should be a time of teaching, reconciling, correcting and it should also be painful enough (somehow) that the child doesn't want to commit the crime again because he associates it with bad nasty no fun stuff. The fear of the Lord, after all, is the beginning of wisdom. I also believe that you should never deliver any kind of physical punishment - flicking the hand or a spanking - if you are angry.

The seal the deal though, and remind me that we're really just doing our best and trying to serve our kids and obey God as we think He's instructed us to, Warrick says to me this morning - hang on. Seriously, he had been awake for maybe 20 minutes, and was sitting in the bath (cause he peed the bed) and looked me straight in the eye - we weren't talking about any kind of discipline, we were talking about matchbox cars riding on his big military boat that was squishing him out of bathtub space - and says, "You are a really good mommy if you give spankings."

I'm not kidding. He said it with the sweetest voice and crystal clear. So, maybe what we are doing is working. Maybe God wanted to remind us that we HAVE tried to approach it humbly, cause let's be honest. We don't know what we're doing and need all the help we can get. We don't take it lightly and try to be selective when we use this form of discipline. But really? I kind of think that was God just reminding me to stay the course and pray my face off. Parenting is really really really hard work. The hardest thing I've ever done, hands down.

Again - I don't pass any judgment on other parents for their choice in this, although I think it's something that needs to be considerately thought through. And my kid was saying this to ME and not to some other mom and it was after I prayed for wisdom and clarity. So . . . there. A little encouraged today. And it has been a really sweet one with Warrick too. No spankings even. :)