theolson4

This makes me crazy. I change our name to reflect the number of people in our family and then it takes away all my friends. I don't have any links to their blogs anymore and of course, like phone numbers and addresses, I don't have any one of them memorized, except my sister's website. Maddening.

The brunt of motherhood with small children has made me a bit crazy today. I understand now why my mother never used to close the door of the bathroom when she was in it, why she didn't buy new clothes or shoes for herself hardly ever, why she didn't linger in the shower and why she made do with lipstick that required a q-tip to extract the remains. I'm certainly not saying my mother is crazy, although she would say that 3 children in 2.5 years made her crazy for a while. You read that corrrectly. 14.5 months between me and my sister and 16 months between her and my brother. That's a lot. 3 babies. She prayed through tears that I would understand peeing on the potty because she thought 3 kids in diapers would push her over the edge. God had mercy and heard her prayer and I'm potty trained to this very day. But seriously, she did so many of these things and countless more, so she could buy new shoes for us, or fun new hair things or give us richer experiences. Sacrifice here, sacrifice there. All for her kids. AND, she didn't really have time to give herself a second thought.

Anyway, I resorted to kicking wheeled vehicles today and throwing things that ought not be thrown down the basement stairs just because an obstacle course for a house had made me angry as hell. Ironically, it was after church. I'm always crazier after church these days. And when it's hot.

On that note, I understand better why many mothers cut their hair. In fact, it surprises me that I haven't cut my hair short yet. My hairdresser, Jo, still tells me every time that I'm in her top three thickest haired clients. I feel like I'm wearing winter hat and scarf in this crazy weather. Stress levels escalate exponentially when my hair is down because it gets caught on stuff or grabbed or blinds me and then I step on another Thomas and friends rail car or knock over my son.

And yet another thing . . . I'm not trying to be vain when I say this, but I've always been in pretty good physical shape. Always loved sports and being competitive and always feel much better when I'm fit as a fiddle - I guess that goes without saying. Whatever . . . . I started running a few weeks ago and was in sheer celebration that I could move again. Run again. After Warrick was born, I was unable to run until he was 10 months old because of a pelvic injury. My generous God spared me from the same injury with the birth of my daughter and I am thrilled to be moving fairly well. Until 2 weeks ago when my knees started giving me crazy trouble. Brought my running to a halt. So, I thought I might try some new avenues to curb my discouragement and to keep progressing back into shape. Take some classes, I thought. "body design." Check.... Sheesh, can't lift the same weight I used to be able to. "Turbo Kick" hmmmm, sounds like a video game. You wouldn't believe how uncoordinated I felt and looked. This is true . . . at one point, I was actually facing the back of the room while all the other matching outfit, tight black pants petite girls were hopping in time and facing the front. It felt like an overly dramatized stupid comedy scene in a dumb movie. Weird also, because I actually used to have the reputation for kind of being able to dance. At weddings, people used to rely on me to get things going. I guess that doesn't necessarily mean you have rhythm, it might just mean you're willing to put yourself out there. AND, I've never thought of myself as a big person, but I definitely was bigger than most of the cheerleading squad at the video game. Check. Will not take Turbo Kick again. Good bye days of being star pupil in physical activities.

Hello motherhood.
Hello unmeasurable accomplishments
Hello rewriting identity
Hello messy house
Hello sacrifice
Hello crazy.

Apologies to any who were not looking for a vent session.

One quick question . . . is it unacceptable to tape a pacifier to your child's face so she will stay asleep? I understand why you wouldn't tie it on, but what about tape?